Maternity Leave Half Over....

My heart starts pounding and my throat gets tight when I think about returning to work.  It's seriously terrifying. I'm meeting with a couple ladies to watch her but it's going to be terrible to leave her. I truly hate the idea that I will be paying someone else to watch her and raise her and teach her. I would do almost anything to be able to stay home with herl
In similar news, I've been cooking more! I made lasagna a couple nights ago and garlic rosemary chicken last night! Tonight we went to a friends house for dinner and I made these delicious crescent roll deserts. So good!

My days have sort of been running together. Feed the kid, clean, eat, sleep, feed the kid, watch HGTV, feed the kid, repeat haha She's sleeping longer stretches and also staying awake longer. She looks around so much and is taking it all in. She's getting fussier. I think she's going through a bit of a growing burst so there's that. And around 6pm she gets really fussy. I heard that sometimes it happens because they are taking in soo much information that their brains get over stimulated and they're just overwhelmed. It's a bummer because it's right before I want to start making dinner and I can't put her down and even when I hold her she's only quiet for a minute before crying again. When she does finally crash out, you can just tell she's so tired. Poor little gal.
Pinterest has sucked me in. I've been looking at all their awesome DIY stuff, I want to do it all! I'm super excited that Fall stuff is out and Christmas is around the corner. I've got lots of ideas! I made a little nest egg pendant, I think I might make a couple of these, I'm sure the next ones I make will be better haha.
 
I've also started covering a lampshade only to realize that I didn't buy enough. Bah.
 
And I made a footprint tile thing. It was really easy, I might do it again and attempt to get her hand. But she'll have to be asleep because she always moves her fingers and it just doesn't turn out right!
 
 So many crafts to do and so little time.
Doctor Who is back! HOORAY! We had some friends over and I made fish sticks and custard (actually pudding), sontaran spud potatoes and cupcakes. It was fun. Yay for awesome TV being back! I'm waiting for my shows to come back on, like Walking Dead and New Girl!

 Just some random pics:

That's all for now!

Firsts

Today was the first time Camille has seen the rain! Yay for First Rain! It was crazy rain, thunder and lightening. And I sort of got a picture of her smiling! It's blurry but it's definitly a smile! It's amazing how time flies. I'm starting to contact people about day care. Which is good and bad. It breaks my hear to think about leaving her. Like hyperventilating, chest tightening heart breaking. But I know I need to do it. If we randomly came into about $20,000 to pay off cars and all debt and everything I think I might be able to stay home, but alas that has not fallen out of the sky. Fingers crossed though. And countdown to first big car trip. Less than three week until going to Santa Maria for Cruzin for Life. Can't wait to see Grandma and Grandpa again!

One Month!

Time is FLYING. I can't believe this little girl is one month old already!!!!!

Things have been busy. Brendan's parents came down and spent some time here. So Camille has met all her grandparents now. And they all love her!
My mom is down now, leaving tomorrow. I really love having family here. It's still hard for me to do everything on my own so it's great to have help.
I do think I'm getting the hang of things a little. She's growing so fast I'm just trying to keep up. She's eating really well, I'm still breastfeeding with no supplementing. I really hope to continue that. i want to read up a bit more on the supply and demand of breastmilk production. I do worry about when I go back to work being able to make enough.
She likes taking baths! Now that her umbillical cord thing fell off she can be in a little tub so I run in warm water and set her in. Her face is like "oooooh yeaaaa" it's so funny.
 
She smiled at me today. I think it was her first real smile. She was sitting with me on the couch and i was talking to her and she was just smiling smiling at me, looking all happy. She looked so beautiful! I can't wait until we see that pretty little dolly smile daily. She's such a good little girl I really feel so lucky.
One thing that blows me away is how people ask me when I'm having another one. Like strangers in the store! I have a one month old baby! She's so perfect and wonderful I honestly can't even imagine feeling the want/need for another one. That might change in the future but for now I'm so amazingly happy, she's all I need in the world.
Camille got her one month shot today. She cried big with real tears and everything. But she's a-ok now. She weighs 9 lbs 4 oz now! What a chunker! She's a little under 50 percentile for weight and she's not very tall but she has a big-ish head haha.  Here she is with her little band aid:

That's pretty much all we've got going on now. We'll be going to Santa Maria at the end of September for Cruzin for Life for about a week, that'll be her first big trip so we'll see how that goes! We got her a travel crib, it's purple minnie mouse!!! It's so cute!

One month down! She's growing into such a beautiful little gal! :-)

Short and sweet

My laptop died the other day. Luckily I have a handy husband who is replacing the hard drive. But it's on order so I am without for at least another few days. So the blogging is done from my phone and is a hassle. So short and sweet. Here's an awesome pic of Camille snoozing!

Damn.

I was all excited to write a blog post about dinner tonight. I made dinner! And it was good! It's shrimp pasta, with oven dried tomatoes and marscapone and peppers and whatnot. Even Brendan liked it! Here it is:

Weird Things

Throughout my pregnancy I came to realize there are all kinds of things that no one tells you about. You hear about the barfing and constant peeing and everyone tells you that labor and delivery hurts but really that leaves a lot out. How about the terrible heartburn. And the constant quesiness that never turns into barfing but is on the very edge for months on end. The insane swelling on feet and hands, the sciatic nerve pain every time you walk. The sleepless nights because you either a) can't get comfortable or b) are sweating even though you already turned the AC on again. I know some people love being pregnant. And parts of it were great. Feeling her move, hearing her heartbeat, the kindness of strangers, getting in the handicap line at Comic Con. All Awesome. But the rest was rough. I'm honestly surprised I didn't have more meltdowns! But the end result is worth it. This little girl was 100% worth it:




 
And now we are two and half weeks into her life here on the outside. I've only had her about a week and a half here home with me and only a couple days of being home alone during the day with her. We've watched the Olympics, taken naps, cleaned, bathed, eat and organized. I'm tired a lot but feel like I should be getting more done. I'm going to start trying to make dinner each night. I need to get some recipes together and plan meals and shop for them. Since I'm on disability for 12 weeks I'm making quite a bit less each month than I would be working so we need to find ways to save money and cut costs. I'm interested to see how much we can cut out and where all our money goes. I'm refusing to think about going back to work. I start to freak out when I think about leaving her all day. She's like my side kick, I don't want to go anywhere without her. I would give anything to be able to stay home with her, raise her instead of paying someone else to do it. Aaaaaa! Don't think about it!
So, anyway I was mentioning all the things that you don't hear about. I'm sure it's because not everyone experiences them. Every birth and baby are so different that I'm sure everyones healing process is totally different. For me, besides the normal milk related boob stuff and episiotomy related itching, I've had a couple random other pains. My knees are Killing me! Every time I crouch or get up and down they hurt! My feet hurt too. Feels like I've been standing barefoot on concrete for a week but I've been staying off my feet, definitly not on them more than normal. Maybe it's because the swelling is down so I don't have that extra cushion. Huh, I just thought of that. Also, I get a weird taste in my mouth when I breastfeed. It's just for a second right when she starts so I think it's some kind of weird response to that. It's weird but not painful or bad or anything. I had hoped my vision would go back to normal but it's still a bit fuzzy. I need new glasses
WHOA I just got projectile vomited on. That was pretty amazing. Good form, Camille! I will say that gross things like poop and vomit and spit up are totally less gross when it's your kid. Or maybe I'll be better about these things now that I have had a child. Who knows.
I got to Skype with my family today. My mom is up in Oregon, they had the memorial and scattering of ashes for my grandma. Ashes scattering always makes me think of the Big Lebowski. Luckily they didn't have any moments like that. My aunts and cousins are all up there so we skyped and chatted for a bit. It was sad and kind of odd to not have my grandma there. I was kind of like hey where's....... oh right.
Here's some pics from the last couple days.
Hanging out on her tummy. She's reading to go!

 I'm trying to do this yarn wrapped letter thing but it's harder than it looks. I've got one and half letters done.

 We call this look "Milk Drunk"

 Sweet Rocksy. She loves Camille, she thinks she's her doggy momma!

 Crazy look!

 I can finally show you this knit gift. I made this for my best friend. It's a little baby sweater for her girl due in Oct. I'm pretty proud of how it turned out and she liked it.

That's about all for now, Brendan is off Mon and Tues so maybe we'll get to get out and do some family stuff. I wish it wasn't so hot!! We'll see. I gotta get out of this house though! Oh but good news is some friends are bringing us dinner tonight and falling skies is on tonight! woohoo!

Living and Loving

When I last wrote a blog, it was early in the morning on Thursday the 2nd. That day when my mom and I went to to hospital we found out that Camille was being released that day!! We were totally unprepared, we had to go home to get her car seat, my hospitals bracelets etc, I had to take a baby CPR class, find a pediatrician and make an appointment all before we could bring her home. Well obviously we ran around and did it all and brought her home that day. Here's her in her carseat for the first time, getting ready to leave the NICU:

 

And here's her in her "going home" outfit and in her crib for the first time:

She's been home now for just over a week and it's been amazing. She really is a great baby. She sleeps really well, wakes up a couple times a night to eat, loves to nap in her swing and look outside. She does't cry much and really loves to look around and check things out. She eats a lot, I'm getting used to breastfeeding. I'm tired a lot but that's to be expected. I can't believe she's only 2 weeks, it seems like she's doing things that are beyond her age. She's like a little dolly, she's so amazingly beautiful. I try to imagine what she'll look like or talk like but all I can see is these beautiful big eyes and perfect skin. We've been lucky enough to have my mom here this whole time, helping out. She loves holding her and has helped out around the house a lot. I had to take her to the airport today to fly back to Oregon for my Grandma's memorial. It was really sad to see her go. The house is very quiet and I miss her already. She'll be back for a long weekend soon but it's still sad. With Brendan working, I'm going to have to find ways to get out and see people so I don't go crazy with cabin fever. I wish we could take walks, but it's 116 today. Even after the sun goes down it's way too hot for my girl.
It's still so strange to think of myself as a parent, as a mom. She's here, she's home and I can't imagine her not being here now. I worry about her and love her more than I thought I even could. It's a mind boggling experience.
 I've taken like forty billion pictures, here's a few of them. The first one is my favorite!! :-)

I think it's nap time for me now. I take them when I can get them!